The following is an expanded interpretive translation of First Corinthians 13:4-8 from Sparkling Gems From the Greek by Rick Renner.

?Love patiently and passionately bears with others for as long as patience is needed;
Love doesn?t demand others to be like itself; rather, it is so focused on the needs of others that it bends over backwards to become what others need it to be;
Love is not ambitious, self-centered, or so consumed with itself that it never thinks of the needs or desires that others possess;
Love doesn?t go around talking about itself all the time, constantly exaggerating and embellishing the facts to make it look more important in the sight of others;
Love does not behave in a prideful, arrogant, haughty, superior, snooty, snobbish, or clannish manner;
Love is not rude and discourteous ? it is not careless or thoughtless, nor does it carry on in a fashion that would be considered insensitive to others;
Love does not manipulate situations or scheme and devise methods that will twist situations to its own advantage;
Love does not deliberately engage in actions or speak words that are so sharp; they cause an ugly or violent response;
Love does not deliberately keep records of wrongs or past mistakes;
Love does not feel overjoyed when it sees an injustice done to someone else but is elated, thrilled, ecstatic, and overjoyed with the truth;
Love protects, shields, guards, covers, conceals, and safeguards people from exposure;
Love strains forward with all its might to believe the very best in every situation;
Love always expects and anticipates the best in others and the best for others;
Love never quits, never surrenders, and never gives up;
Love never disappoints, never fails, and never lets anyone down.?


Wow, what a tall order to fill. However, it is in the Word of God and He says that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. I believe that the first place we should practice this kind of love, God?s kind of love, is in our homes, with our spouse and children. I have also found that it?s the hardest place. It?s those we are most intimately related to that can offend and hurt us the most. Sometimes it?s much easier to let an offense go when it?s someone we aren?t in that close of a relationship with. But when it comes to those in our very own home, it seems like the most difficult thing in the world to do at times.

James 1:19 (Amplified) says ?Understand this, my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and get angry?. When someone has offended us, it seems the first thing we want to do is open our mouths. When our spouse or children do something that has offended us, has caused us to feel hurt and become angry, if you?re anything like me, the last thing your flesh wants to do is walk in the God kind of love. If I may be quite honest, more often than not, my first thought isn?t to be patient and kind. I?m so thankful for 2 Corinthians 3:18 (Amplified) which says, ?And all of us, as with unveiled face, [because we] continued to behold [in the Word of God] as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are constantly being transfigured into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; [for this comes] from the Lord [who is] the Spirit. What hope and encouragement there is in that scripture for me. As I continue to behold Him through the Word of God concerning His definition of love in this portion of Scripture in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, I am constantly being transfigured into His image and able to walk in this God kind of love.

When we have been offended by someones actions it is an occasion for us to stumble into sin. One of the definitions of offense in the Strong?s Lexicon #4625, is ?occasion to fall?. It is also defined as a ?stumbling block?. When we become offended and feel hurt and angry, it is an occasion to fall into the sin of unforgiveness. Then, if we are unwilling to forgive, that unforgiveness turns into bitterness and resentment. Needless to say, these things destroy relationship as well as poison your own soul. They cause divorces, break up of relationships between friends and family. The only way to keep that offense from taking root is to forgive the offense. We are commanded to forgive others as we have been forgiven.

There are times when we are to confront the one who has offended us. Luke 17:3 says, ??If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. There are many times I wish I would have prayed and asked the Lord if I am to speak to someone about an offense that I feel someone has committed against me. If I would have prayed first the Holy Spirit could have given me the right words to say and the right spirit in which to confront that person. When I go to someone with a judgmental attitude it will only stir up more strife. We must remember that we too, have been offensive to others at times. The whole point in going to the one who has offended you is that you might be reconciled, not so you can make sure that other person knows how rotten they treated you and what a low down scoundrel they have been. We must go with a humble attitude, desiring to clear the offense out of the way so that we can be reconciled with that person.

Well, I?ll tell you what I?m going to do. I am going to print 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and meditate on it until love oozes out of me like honey. How many marriages, friendship, family relationships could be saved if we would love as God has loved us? We will make mistakes, but that?s what repentance and forgiveness have been given to us for. Relationships are the most important thing we have. Material things can be replaced, people can?t. Don?t wait another day to forgive and begin practicing loving as God does.

Where does drama come from in the first place? Why do people CHOOSE to live with so much trauma in their lives and self-inflicted trauma at that?! What leads to strife? James 4:2. explains why. The Amplified Bible reads as follows:

"You are jealous and covet [what others have] and your desires go unfulfilled; [so] you become murderers. [To hate is to murder as far as your hearts are concerned.] You burn with envy and anger and are not able to obtain [the gratification, contentment, and happiness that you seek], so you fight and war. "

Earlier in 4:1, James stated that conflicts and discord arise from our sensual desires that are warring in our (own) bodily members. He's not talking about "members" of the church. He's talking about in-fighting. Internal conflict that makes its way outward toward others. So you see, we've been fighting with the wrong people all along. James is not merely suggesting we look deep within, but it is a call to obedience. We've simply got to align our motives, emotions, and desires with the will of God. Period. Being out of the will of God causes internal and external strife. To turn this thing around we may need to consider some pretty ugly things. Some icky considerations might include:

* We're jealous that the Jones' seem to have everything. They've got the great kids, great house, great marriage, great possessions, but we're still struggling and can't seem to get ahead.

* We're angry that someone else got the promotion we were hoping to get.

* We're bitter that so-and-so is getting married, but we're still home alone.

I just mentioned a few things I've heard lately, but I am certain you could fill in the blank with countless other things that seem to be depressing and frustrating many people today. So I appreciate the cautions of James. If we are not careful we could become angry and bitter people too. The worst part to me is that we are often the very source of the strife simply dwelling on wrong thoughts, messed up emotions, and wrong desires. We all want better, which is why we usually desire something in the first place. And God has given us a Book full of sound yet free advice for achieving better in all areas of life. James' message is simple really: We can see greats changes over the entire landscape of our lives simply by changing our minds!

I encourage you to examine the origination of strife in your life. Are your desires truly in line with the will of God? Did you make some type of plan and then get bent out of shape because God did not come along and give His blessing? Examine what is truly going on inside of you. Sure, you might find some ugly there, but knowing our error is the first step to getting back in the will of God.

Divorce ? Not the Only Option
The problem of divorce has been around almost since marriage; but our society has made it an attractive alternative to working through the issues. This problem has turned into an epidemic and it grows worse every year (DIVORCE). The ease of getting a divorce camouflages the pain of the repercussions; we avoid immediate pain by causing, in most situations, long term suffering. Some divorces are unavoidable, some even beneficial, but most become a detriment to the family and our society as a whole. Statistics show that one out of every two marriages ends in divorce (Fetsch & Jacobson). Whether we live in big cities, small towns or rural areas, our nation truly consists of small communities, intermingled to create a tapestry of neighbors, woven together at the family level. Divorce destroys that fabric at its core.

Fortunately, divorce can be not only avoided, but fully defeated. Most couples considering divorce do not see that they have become selfish. Most do not realize the futility in trying to change someone else. Most do not know that they can change their feelings by changing their actions. Most are just two hurting people unable or unwilling to find a compromise. Christian counseling can offer a place of enlightenment, refuge and healing (Collins 317). Having an unbiased third party in the room can create a safe zone where couples can comfortably share their feelings. A counselor can also look objectively at the differences and offer conciliations that, otherwise, might not arise.

In my more than 1500 counseling sessions, I have learned when couples go through the courtship process they focus on the other?s needs. Once married though, somehow that focus becomes about self. This concept is confirmed by Dr. Paul Looney, MD of Psychiatry in his One Flesh marriage seminars. Many ask, ?Why are my needs not met?? Some reflectively question, ?Why am I not happy in this relationship?? In the beginning, we are in love and relationally satisfied; but, over time the feelings fade and we think that we have fallen out of love. We did not fall out of love, we became self serving. The opposite of love is not hatred but selfishness. Our individualistic society breeds selfishness; therefore, we must move against the current and change the way we think. Counseling can help us take our focus from self and apply it to our spouse again. Through the process, love can reappear.

Following some counseling sessions, Kat said, ?I never realized that I avoided most intimate conversation with Bob.? She further stated, ?Once I started listening to him, I saw that I was not focusing on my marriage, only what I thought would make me happy.?

Bob said, ?Counseling has helped me understand the needs of Kat. Now I try to fulfill those needs, and our marriage has never been better.? Marriage constitutes a two-way street that requires commitment from both parties.
We can fall in love, initially, because of differences. At some time in our life, we recognize that we have weaknesses and, consciously or not, begin looking for someone who can complete us, or fill those limitations. Once we find someone, our differences draw us together and relationally, we feel completed; but, once our focus becomes individualistic again, we lose that feeling of completion, gain a feeling of dissatisfaction, and request a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. The same differences that once reconciled us now leave us irreconcilable.

Many think that marital satisfaction lies in changing their spouse. You cannot change someone else because you do not have control over anyone but yourself. Accepting that you have no control over others and taking personal responsibility for your actions will start you down the path of healing your marriage. Irreconcilable differences can be reconciled if we will do the work required. If we will take our focus from our self and place it on our spouse again we can find that the differences that drove us apart were the opposites that attracted us in the first place. Marital fulfillment does not result from a fifty/fifty arrangement (Bales). Each person must contribute one hundred percent of self for a marriage to work.

Many claim, ?I?m not in love anymore.? We define love as a feeling and feelings follow actions. If we change our actions, our feelings will follow. Most think that the problem lies with the other person; and if we could only get out of the current situation, we would find someone to make us happy again. We do not realize that we have responsibility for our own happiness and, consequently, for our own misery. We must take responsibility for our actions and, consequently, our feelings. Otherwise, leaving and ultimately ending up with someone else does us no good because, no matter where we go, there we are. Without addressing our own actions we will just, eventually, end up unhappy with someone else.

In many relationships we hear, ?But I am right!? Perhaps, but two sides inhabit every issue and both claim being right. Visualize you and your mate in a relational tug of war, both pulling to prove your point. You both stand at each end of an issue and try to pull the other into submission. We call this right fighting, and in this case, right is way over rated. Both straining and attempting to pull the other off their feet and into a mud pit. In this scenario, who wins? Let us say you both stop pulling, and meet in the middle. Standing beside the mud pit, you can reach a compromise that allows you both to come out victorious, and unsoiled.
Some just try to stick it out for the sake of the kids or family or religious convictions. Why do this if a better marriage and better life lies ahead of you?

Help can be found, usually near the closest mud pit of compromise and victory. A Christian marriage counselor can help make a significant difference in preventing divorce (Collins 545). If you are considering divorce, seek out help. Counseling can result in a better life for you, your spouse and your family.

Many leaders are Type A individuals at first and think they would do a much better job if it weren't for all the problem people around them. The joke is that the ministry would be great if it weren't for all the people. The problem with jokes is that those who think they are funny think they are pretty close to the truth.

Type A leaders are often lifted up as the ones who build great ministries because they are efficient. While many great leaders begin their work aggressively, getting the job done at all costs, the best leaders find that people are the target and not the problem. Beginners unconsciously see talented people as tools to build something for the glory of God and weaker people as dead weight who need to get with the program. These novice leaders think much more about the responsibility others have to them than the responsibility they have to others.

The big problem with this way of thinking is that we are commanded to live for others (Heb 13:17/Phil 2:4). Fortunately, somewhere down the road it becomes apparent to all leaders that they can't do what God has called them to do without help. This desperate need for help causes leaders to obey the command to look on the things of others. The need for help causes leaders to care how well others are doing in their race because it affects how well they can do. Needing help is therefore a win-win situation and not an excuse for failure. Because a leader cannot afford to try and go it alone the Lord shifts their attention to those around them.

I think the Lord probably set things up this way to force us to include others in our thinking. Without the great need for help we would likely continue to center our thoughts on what we are doing for the Lord, and we'd never grow into caring how others are doing. By forcing our attention to others, God teaches us to care for others.

The best leaders understand that they have several responsibilities concerning the people in their ministries. A few of these responsibilities are as follows:

1. See Them and Seek Them

People are important to God and they should be important to those who hope to please God. Leaders are instructed to follow the example of Jesus and have a personal relationship with those they lead. Leaders are to know the people by name, know what they need, and make sure the people know they are first and foremost loved, and then know where they are going and what they need to do. (John 10:3-5)

Leaders are to go and get the sheep (Matt 18:12&13) and put them on the right path. Yes, people have a responsibility to do what is right, but we who are leaders are to commit our lives to the process of developing them into what they are to be for Jesus. We should see them and seek them.

2. Shake Them

Once we begin to develop a relationship with people we need to shake up their world and let them know they can do far more through the ministry of the One in them than they ever dreamed. We should build a fire in their heart through the preaching and teaching of the Word of God and letting them see the power of God all around them. (1 Cor 2:4&5) This verse says that their very faith will be built upon seeing this power verifying the promises of the Bible, and not on empty programs, new fangled practices, and positive thinking. People will never be inspired to work through God's power if they never see God's power working through their leaders.

People not only need to be set on fire, they need to be kept in that state. People are afraid and they need to be given courage. Courage leaks out of the heart almost as soon as it goes in. Our job is to continually show people the power of faith and the constant involvement of the all- powerful God in the work they have embarked upon in His behalf. People need to be stirred and we need to lead them to be stirred. Never forget that the power of God is wrapped in our humanity and we need to keep the focus on what's on the inside. 2 Cor 4:7 "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." Once people see that God wants them to let Him do the work through their body they will be less afraid of failure and more apt to attempt greater things.

3. Steer Them

We should always be thinking about our people and what we can do to accelerate their growth. We need to suggest ministries and events for them to get involved in. The wise leader will enlist the help of others to eyeball his people and help him steer people to things that will help them grow. Leaders should also use the influence of trusted people outside the lifelines of their church/ministry who can help their people figure out what they are supposed to do, and what they need to do to get better at it. Hook people up and send them to conferences, pass sermons and books to them that have helped you. Remember, you are probably spending more time seeking God's face about where you need help and who you think God wants to plug in to that need than are people who are ultimately going to fill the need. You need to steer them to where God is telling you and see what happens.

Nothing is more effective than personally meeting with your folks privately to check on them and adjust their course. Set up a plan for them and systematize that plan for them and schedule feedback. What I mean by systemization is develop a model that works, where you plug things in to and they go down the list accomplishing parts of the plan. After doing this for a while, you will develop and compile a large set of resources to steer people to that seem to help people discover what they are good at, and to see what God seems to bless for them. Once they discover what general areas God wants them to work in they can focus their efforts on things that make them more effective.

Lastly, remember we are to steer them-not drive them. This means pointing them and not forcing them. We are helping them go where God wants them and they need to be in control of what they do. We can fire them up and help them see how exciting the work is, but we can't do the work they are to do. Our biggest contribution to the process is the eyes of our experience, our love for the individual, and the eyes of our faith in their behalf.

4. Show Them

When I was in the Navy we had a See One - Do One training methodology. Through the years this has proven to be a very valuable tool. When I start a new ministry or launch a new event, I find someone to follow me around and I tell them everything I am doing. I show them how to do it. The next time that function is done I have them do it and I watch and give feedback.

Let the nature of the task control the nature of the training. Complex tasks are broken into pieces and turned over to the new guy one piece at a time. If the task requires several people doing the same thing, systematize how things are to be done. When I train people to pastor people, I give them written instructions on how to make a first time personal home visit, what to say on the phone, and how to make a hospital visit, etc.

An important part of this process is to train people to do this for you. Pick a few of the best people you have and invest your time in them. Once they are up to speed, pick another set of folks to work on. This is how you will spend the rest of your life helping people learn how to do what they are supposed to do.

5. Shape Their Heart

When training people one of the most important things we must do is develop the soft skills that will keep them in the work for the rest of their life. We need to equip them with the right heart, the right ministry philosophy, and the right view of what they are doing. Spending time doing this will help them to stay sweet, avoid burnout, and help them to not get frustrated and quit. It will also help them keep their eyes on the Lord and to know why they are doing what they do, and who they are doing it for. Teaching people a great work ethic is important, but the people who end up shipwrecked are normally the ones who work the hardest.

6. Set Them

1 Cor 12:18 "But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him." We are the ones the Lord uses to accomplish this. We need to help them find their spot on the team. Once this is done we need to do a few more very important things.

First, we must set them free once they have been set. We need to supervise but we do not need to smother. We need to understand that God wants them performing that function-not you. They are called of God to do it and you are called of God to help them find their spot and then back off. You must have faith in God and faith in the person to do the job. After a while they will do a much better job than you could. It will be their specialty, they will become the expert, and you need to let them do it.

Second, you need to help others see that the person God set in place is the one who is now the expert. You must help establish them in their spot. We have been given authority and we are to use this authority to accomplish the will of God. Often, someone else may think they are supposed to be in that spot, but you must help them see the will of God and understand that they need to let God set people where He wants to set them and to stay out of His way. This can be done kindly when they know that you love them and are working to help them find their spot.

Lastly, we all need to remember that the work of God is a holy thing with eternal consequences. When the ministry has the right people in the right spot who are working together in love and unity, we are promised that the ministry will increase with the increase of God. (Col 2:19) That's a lot better than the increase of a bunch of talented people!


7. Support Them
Finally, we must give people what they need to succeed. We must help them build the influence they need, we must fund the things they are to do, we must give them access to the people they need access to (including you), and we must help them access the knowledge they need to succeed.

We cannot properly support them if we do not know what they are doing. Therefore, it is imperative for the leader to build a system of contact and counsel. I highly recommend face to face meetings in small groups. I have worked in churches large and small and the ones who meet get things done and the ones who don't normally only sputter along.

We started this entire discussion by saying that people are important. If we are too busy for people, we are too busy and have the wrong priorities. God is far more concerned with people than He is with the size of your ministry. He formed the local church because He knew it was the most efficient way of caring for people and reconciling them to Him. When people are in agreement with God and doing things His way, they bring Him great glory.

God personally cares for all His people and so should we. Our form of leadership should emphasize care for people. Leaders should be known for their care of the sheep more than they should be known for accomplishing great deeds.

We are in the people business! We are to personally know our people and lead them from the front instead of driving them from behind. Our personal connection helps us gain influence and commitment from the people we are leading and it allows us to guide them as Christ would have them to be guided. Our responsibility to other people is second only to our responsibility to God.

Along with loving God and being a godly example by committing ourselves to His commands, we need to ?Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are away on a journey, when you are lying down and when you are getting up again. Tie them to your hands as a reminder, and wear them on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates? (Deuteronomy 6:7-9). By figuratively following these commands that God gave to the Hebrews, we teach our children that worshiping God should be constant, not reserved for Sunday morning or nightly prayers.

Although our children learn a great deal through direct teaching, they learn much more by watching us. This is why we must be careful in everything we do. We must first acknowledge our God-given roles. Husbands and wives are to be mutually respectful and submissive to each other (Ephesians 5:21). At the same time, God has established a line of authority to keep order.

1 Corinthians 11:3 says, ?A man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God.? We know that Christ is not inferior to God, just as a woman is not inferior to her husband. God recognizes, however, that without submission to authority, there is no order. The husband's responsibility as the head of the household is to love his wife as he loves his own body, in the same sacrificial way that Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-29).

In response to this loving leadership, it is not difficult for the wife to submit to her husband's authority (Ephesians 5:24, Colossians 3:18). Her primary responsibility is to love and her husband and children, live wisely and pure, and take care of the home (Titus 2:4-5). Women are naturally more nurturing than men because they were designed to be the primary caretakers of their offspring.

Discipline and instruction are integral parts of parenting. Proverbs 13:24 says, ?If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don't love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.? Children who grow up in undisciplined households feel unwanted and unworthy. They lack direction and self-control, and as they get older they rebel and have little to no respect for any kind of authority, including God's. ?Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives? (Proverbs 19:18).

At the same time, discipline must be balanced with love, or children may grow up resentful, discouraged, and rebellious (Colossians 3:21). God recognizes that discipline is painful when it is happening (Hebrews 12:11), but if followed up by loving instruction, it is remarkably beneficial to the child. ?And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord? (Ephesians 6:4).

It is important to involve children in the church family and ministry when they are young. Regularly attend a Bible-believing church (Hebrews 10:25), allow them to see you studying the Word, and also study it with them. Discuss with them the world around them as they see it, and teach them about the glory of God through everyday life. ?Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it? (Proverbs 22:6).