Most of us have been hurt by someone at some point in our lives, and we have shrugged it off, dealt with it, or kept it on our minds. Each person reacts differently, and most move on. However, some find it difficult to get over a past hurt. Are you one of those persons? If yes, what is your reason for holding on to the hurt? Do you really want to let go?

Take the story of Pat and her husband, Michael. Pat sensed that something was up with Michael. He was not as warm as he used to be and became impatient and annoyed at everything she did. She tried to get him to talk about what was bothering him, but could not get through to him. She thought the problem was his job, but it was not. She dismissed the idea of him straying. She knew that he loved her and the children too much to jeopardize their marriage. However, there were signs she could not ignore, such as his abruptly ending conversations when she came around, his lack of communication, and him not wanting to have sex! She decided to investigate. While she had never pried into his stuff because she trusted him and snooping went against her morals, he had created this problem so all bets were off. She found evidence of an affair and was devastated.

Pat went through a range of emotions. At first she was in shock. She could not believe what was happening to her. She thought it was a mistake and that Michael would have a good explanation. She trusted him and never contemplated his doing such a thing. She was crushed and feelings of insecurity washed over her. She searched for a reason for his infidelity. She questioned what she did wrong, whether she took him for granted, and what had made him unhappy, but could not pinpoint anything specific that would have turned him off from her. They were buddies, had fun, and enjoyed a good life.

Then Pat got angry. However, she decided not to confront Michael for fear she would get violent with him. The question that kept haunting her was, ?How could he do this to me?? She knew that she would leave him as the thought of him touching her filled her with disgust. However, before she left she wanted to hurt him badly and make him pay. She thought about having someone beat him up or cheating on him. She would have an affair and flaunt it, preferably with a friend of his, or better yet, with someone he did not like!

Michael?s version was that the affair was unintentional. He did not set out to have one. The other woman, Maryann, had begun flirting with him a few months back, one thing had led to another, and he ended up at her apartment. Michael had not been with anyone else since he got married, and knew he had to be careful around Pat. He also knew that she would not take it lightly and would never forgive him. But he figured it was just sex, nothing to it. Maryann knew that he would not leave his wife for her. However, what shocked Michael was that after he slept with Maryann, he regretted it! He could not believe it. While he had enjoyed their time together, the thrill was gone. He thought that he could play the game as easily as back in the day, but suddenly knew he could not separate the sexual act from his feelings. He had been playing with fire when he responded to Maryann?s flirtations, but felt that he would not follow through because he loved Pat. He had checked out women from afar, but was quite happy with his marriage and so had never strayed. He had both male and female friends who cheated, and wondered how they did it with a clear conscience. He convinced himself that his fling was nothing and planned to make it up to Pat. He hoped that Pat would not find out because he knew she would leave and take the children. He could not live without them. He was happy with Pat and their life together, and had shut her out as a cover. He could not let this slip mess up what they had built. He had risked it all?and for what? Michael still felt uneasy and prayed to God for help. He knew he had made a stupid mistake and was wrong to even go there. In thinking about mending his relationship to Pat, he felt moved to confess everything to her and plead for forgiveness.

Pat had become a Christian a year ago, but Michael had not. Although he believed in God, he was not willing to ?go all out.? Pat was still set on revenge, but wanted to speak with God one last time before making her move. She recalled the joy she had experienced when she accepted Jesus. Having a relationship with Him had done wonders in building her spiritually. As she reminisced on her journey, she heard the inner voice of the Holy Spirit saying, ?So you had one setback and are going to throw it all away? Where is your faith?? ?Ah, I have faith in God, but not in man,? Pat answered. The Holy Spirit replied, ?Oh, are you squeaky clean? What about the things you did wrong for which God has forgiven you? As a Christian you have to set the example by doing what Christ would have done. You will have trials and the test would be to see how you overcome them and what you glean from the experiences. Remember, the power of Christ is within you.? ?I know,? she whispered, ?but I cannot get over it. I am a good wife, mother, and I am smart, attractive, and sexy as hell! What more could he want?? The Holy Spirit said, ?It is not about what you did or did not do. Everyone is responsible for their own actions.? As she continued to listen, she became still allowing herself to be totally in the moment. Then she began to experience a wonderful sense of peace, the feeling spread deep within her soul. She fell to her knees and thanked God for His love and goodness to her. She had been so caught up with thoughts of revenge that she had not considered the other option?the one of forgiveness.

Therein lies the answer of getting over the hurt?forgiveness. If you want to move on and free yourself of a heavy heart, you must forgive the wrong. Forgiveness does not mean that you will forget the incident or there would be no repercussion or unaccountability. When you forgive someone you retain your power; that person or incident no longer has control over you. Forgiveness releases the ?forgiver? more so than the ?forgivee.? In a sense, forgiveness is a selfish act?you unload the burden and there is peace. It may take a while to forgive, but it would be beneficial to you to do it sooner rather than later. Why did they do that or why did that happen? All the questions you have will not resolve the issue. Oftentimes when you do get answers they are pitiful and unfulfilling, leaving you with more questions. Having an unforgiving heart and holding on to past hurts will keep you paralyzed. That person or incident will dictate all your actions?you will not attend an event because you know that the person will be there or you will go out of your way to avoid a person or place. You may even focus your time, energy, and resources, to the extent that if you do not have that to identify with, you have nothing. What is ironic is that the person who has offended you is living a guilt-free life totally oblivious to you and your feelings! Is it worth it? Do you really want to live the rest of your life hurt, angry, bitter, and lonely? Pat knew those things would immobilize her. In allowing herself to forgive Michael, she ignited a light within that healed and freed her to move forward. Forgiveness unleashed the tension and vengeance that she harbored and opened her up to the fullness of life?and it can do the same for you.

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of his covenant. Psalm 25:10

The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. Psalm 25:14

But to the wicked, God says: "What right have you to recite my laws or take my covenant on your lips? Psalm 50:16

I will maintain my love to him forever, and my covenant with him will never fail. Psalm 89:28

With those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. Psalm 103:18

He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever. Psalm 111:5

If your sons keep my covenant and the statutes I teach them, then their sons will sit on your throne for ever and ever." Psalm 132:12

I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness; I will take hold of your hand. I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people and a light for the Gentiles. Isaiah 42:6

Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who curses you I will curse; and by you all the families of the earth shall bless themselves. Genesis 12:1-3

As for me, this is my covenant with you: You will be the father of many nations. Genesis 17:4

Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth. Genesis 9:1

I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Genesis 9:13

I also established my covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, where they lived as aliens. Exodus 6:4

Season all your grain offerings with salt. Do not leave the salt of the covenant of your God out of your grain offerings; add salt to all your offerings. Leviticus 2:13

Moses was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights without eating bread or drinking water. And he wrote on the tablets the words of the covenant?the Ten Commandments. Exodus 34:28

Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. Deuteronomy 4:23

For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath. Deuteronomy 4:31

The priests then brought the ark of the LORD's covenant to its place in the inner sanctuary of the temple, the Most Holy Place, and put it beneath the wings of the cherubim. 1 Kings 8:6

He remembers his covenant forever, the word he commanded, for a thousand generations. 1 Chronicles 16:15

Then God's temple in heaven was opened, and within his temple was seen the ark of his covenant. And there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, an earthquake and a great hailstorm. Revelation 11:19

To Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. Hebrews 12:24

For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance?now that he has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant. Hebrews 9:15

This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26:28

I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. Jeremiah 32:40

How to know God's will is probably one of the most-studied topics for Christians of all ages. It takes the form of the question: "How do I know God's will?" Whether we're talking about the broad scope of "God's will for my life," or the smaller scale of "God's will for me in this situation," the question is asked constantly. And, like all questions, it has innumerable wrong answers, misunderstandings, and skewed viewpoints attached to it.

One of the biggest myths about how to know God's will is the belief that the will of God is a roadmap. Here's how this looks in someone's thoughts: "In this situation, God's will is either A or B. If his will is A, and I choose A, then everything is fine. If I choose B, then I'm outside of his will."

We run into problems with this point of view, not on the little scale, but on the big scale. For example, let's say someone holds this point of view. The logical argument looks like this:

• God's will is a roadmap.


• Since God's will is a roadmap, I am supposed to get from point A to point B. The destination is the most important point.


• At every decision point in life, I have to make the right choice in order to stay on the road.


• If I make a mistake, I get off the road.

The problem with this myth is found right here: if some mistakes are uncorrectable and irreversible (i.e., they leave lasting consequences and permanently alter the choices you will have in the future), then you could make a mistake that could cause you to miss out on ever arriving at "point B" on God's roadmap for your life. Therefore, if you assume that God's will is a roadmap, you'd better make sure you never make a mistake.

However, God knows that - whether through outright disobedience or honest ignorance - we are going to blow it. We will make mistakes, we will sin, and we will royally screw things up. Therefore, we can make a deduction: since God knows we will blow it, yet he does call us to know and do his will, his will has to be big enough and full of enough grace to cope with the fact that we are going to make some whopping sins and mistakes.

Where can we go with this? We see that the roadmap point of view is insufficient. If it were true, we could never hope to "do God's will." We'd step out of line, not once, but many times, and lose the possibility forever.

But we know that we can do God's will. We can live in his will:

• Ephesians 5:17 says, "So then, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."


• Romans 12:2 reminds us to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."


• Jesus himself summed it up when he said in Matthew 5:48, "You are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect."

These verses give us a hint as to what God's will is really about - how we can transform the roadmap myth into something true and right and good.

If we paraphrase the above verses, they would say, "To know and do God's will be wise ... sanctify your mind ... seek good, acceptable, and perfect things ... be yourself sanctified and holy ... live your life in imitation of Christ."

Do you notice a word that's missing? The word "choice." It's not there. Instead, all the words are about who we are inside. And that tells us something very key: God's will is not so much about choice as it is about character. What God wants most is not that you "arrive" at point B (whether that is a certain career, accomplishment, destination, etc.), but that you become who he has called you to be.

So let's destroy the myth that God's will is a roadmap. God's will is not primarily about getting us from point A to point B. It's about becoming Christ-like. And that, at its core, is a process. It's daily life - step by step, and day by day. We can therefore transform the myth into the truth: the will of God is a journey.

As a journey, the will of God can cope with all the twists and turns of life - good and bad, holy and sinful, wise and foolish. Why? Because God has promised that he can use everything in our lives for our good (Romans 8:28). Everything - nothing is excluded. The person who loves God can be assured that he can know and live God's will - no matter what his past is, no matter what sins he has to overcome, no matter how long the process takes - because the will of God at its most basic level is about becoming more like Christ every day.

? 2008 Paula Marolewski

You have my permission to reprint and distribute this article as long as it is distributed in its entirety, including all links and copyright information. This article is not to be sold or included with anything that is sold.

God is One: Deuteronomy 6:4; Mark 12:29; 1Corinthians 8:6; 1 Timothy 2:5; James 2:19.

God reveals Himself in three Persons: As Father: John 6:27; 1 Peter 1:2. As the only begotten Son of God: John 1:1,14; John 1:18; Titus 2:13; Colossians 2:9. As the Holy Spirit: Matthew 28:19,20; John 14:16,17,26; Romans 8:9-11.

God reveals Himself by many Names: In the Old Testament we have "God" as in Genesis 1:1; "Lord" as in Genesis 15:2; "LORD" as in Genesis 2:4; "Lord GOD" as in Genesis 15:2; "LORD God" as in Genesis 2:4; "LORD of Hosts" as in 1Samuel 1:3; "LORD JEHOVAH" as in Isaiah 12:2; "Almighty God" as in Genesis 17:1; "Everlasting God" as in Genesis 21:33; "Mighty God" as in Isaiah 9:6,7; "Most High God" as in Genesis 14:18.

God is eternal: Deuteronomy 33:27; Psalms 9:7; Isaiah 44:6; Romans 1:20; 1 Timothy 1:17; 1 Timothy 6:15,16; 2 Peter 3:8; Revelation 10:6.

God is truth: Numbers 23:19; Deuteronomy 32:4; Psalms 33:4; Psalms 100:5; John 8:26; John 17:17; Titus 1:2; Revelation 6:10; Revelation 15:3.

God is holy: Leviticus 19:2; 1Samuel 2:2; Psalms 22:3; Isaiah 6:3; Isaiah 57:15; Luke 1:49; John 17:11; James 1:13; 1John 1:5; 2:20.

God is just: Deuteronomy 10:17; Job 21:22; Psalms 19:9; Psalms 96:13; Jeremiah 11:20; Acts 17:31; Romans 2:2; 1Peter 1:17; 2Peter 2:9.

God is love: Deuteronomy 23:5; Psalms 89:33; John 3:16; John 14:21; Romans 5:8; 2Corinthians 13:11; Titus 3:4; 1 John 4:8, 9, 10, 16, 19.

God has all power (omnipotent): Genesis 18:14; Job 42:2; Matthew 19:26; Revelation 19:6; Revelation 21:22.

God has all knowledge (omniscient): 1 Samuel 2:3; 16:7; Job 36:4; Proverbs 5:21; Acts 1:24; Romans 11: 33,34; Hebrews 4:13.

God is everywhere (omnipresent): 1 Kings 8:27; Psalms 139:3,5,7,8,9,10; Jeremiah 23:23; Acts 17:24,27,28.

God is invisible: Exodus 33:20; John 1:18; John 6:46; 1 Timothy 1:17.

God is unchanging: Psalms 33:11; Malachi. 3:6; Romans 11:29; Hebrews 6:17.

God created all things: Genesis 1 and 2; Exodus 20:11; Nehemiah 9:6; Psalms 8:3; Psalms 121:2; Acts 4:24; Acts 17:24; Hebrews 11:3.

God sustains all things (Providence): Genesis 8:22; Psalms 65:9-13; Psalms 103: 3-5; Matthew 6:26-33; Acts 14:17; 2Corinthians 9:8-10.

God rules all things: Exodus15:18; 1 Samuel l2:6-8; Matthew 6::10; 11:25; Acts 17:24-26; Romans 14:11; 1Timothy 6:15; Revelation 4:11.

God is the Redeemer: Exodus 15:2; Psalms 18:30; Isaiah 12:2; Isaiah 43 :3,11; John 3:16; Romans 1:16; 6:23; 1Thessalonians 5:9; 2Timothy 1:9.

God has revealed Himself: Through Creation, Romans 1:19,20; Through holy men, 2Peter 1:20,21; Through His Son, Hebrews 1:1-4.

God must be worshiped: Exodus 20:3; Deuteronomy 5:7; Matthew 4:10; Luke 4:8; Colossians 2:18,19; Hebrews 10:25 Revelation 14:7; 19:10; 22:8,9.

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29

Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the LORD your God. Begin to build the sanctuary of the LORD God, so that you may bring the ark of the covenant of the LORD and the sacred articles belonging to God into the temple that will be built for the Name of the LORD. 1 Chronicles 22:19

The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. Psalm 14:2

The poor will see and be glad? you who seek God, may your hearts live! Psalm 69:32

God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. Acts 17:27

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:6

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him. Matthew 21:32

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. John 3:5

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders. 1 Corinthians 6:9

But first be concerned about God's kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be provided for you as well. Matthew 6:33